4th of July

Dear Neighbors,

     Happy Independence Day! The 4th of July is a great time to reflect on the freedoms bestowed upon us by our forefathers. While I am sure any good lawyer could argue your right to "blow shit up" is covered under the Bill of Rights, I believe my family and I also have a right to more than 4 hours of sleep a night. As I assume you are busy recovering from a 2 day hangover and worrying about permanent hearing loss; let me quickly summarize the basis of many, many US Supreme Court arguments. Basically, if the expression of your rights and freedoms infringes on my rights and freedoms, we can throw down.

    Every year, I watch you, your friends, and family sit in your garage, guzzling beers bathed in the soft red glow of your neon beer sign. I assume you carefully save these aluminum beer cans in the hopes that someday you will have chugged and saved enough to supplement your expensive illegal fireworks habit. Based on your window rattling pyrotechnic display over the past 2 days I would assume your 2012 goal was to:

A) Not remember any Friday or Saturday nights from July 2011-July 2012 and

B) Buy 1000's of dollars worth of the loudest and brightest fireworks your 5th grader could possibly set off.

  Please consider this letter a friendly warning. Tonight, should you continue, what has become a nightly barrage of the neighborhood; I will be forced to take action and forever be known as that crazy bitch that lives 2 doors down.


Sincerely,

Amy


P.S. Just in case I am unable to come within 500 feet of your residence later this year, please refer to this letter when planning your New Year's celebration.